Mea Culpa
by lefcadio
Summary: Daisuke x Ken x Miyako. Miyako discovers something unexpected, and things will never be the same.


_. day the first ._

"So... what do you think?"

Miyako isn't sure what she thinks. To be honest, Miyako isn't sure that she wants to think about it at all. Instead, she raises an eyebrow and frowns slightly, glancing first at Hikari, and then at Takeru.

"I think you're both imagining things." She sighs and flops down onto the grass, kicking off her shoes and leaning back to gaze up into the sky. There are pale patches of tangled clouds drifting slowly, standing out in sharp relief against the deep blue of the early autumn skyline. It's warm, but pleasantly so, and though the leaves are beginning to turn orange, they have not yet begun to fall.

"I don't know..." Hikari sounds uncertain, but hesitant , and Miyako knows why. After all, Hikari probably doesn't want to press the point with _her_, of all people.

"I... think I agree," Takeru says softly, watching her almost apologetically as he sits down, Patamon perched on his shoulder. He squints against the sun, and shares a glance with Hikari. They nod.

Miyako feels inexplicably irritated, but resists the urge to retort rudely, and instead adjusts her glasses, and plasters on a false, bright smile.

"Well, I suppose we'll have to wait and see, won't we?" She knows it comes out as sounding forced, and Hikari looks anxious - but... it doesn't matter. Because it's not true.

Tailmon is stretching lazily and blinks at them, yawning, "I don't really see why it _matters_...?" she comments, before curling up at Hikari's side sleepily. The other two digimon nod, and Hawkmon's watching Miyako almost nervously.

A soft breeze is blowing and the sun is shining, and they're sitting out on the grass in Odaiba Park, and it's beautiful. Miyako knows she should feel happy; content. But since Hikari had first dropped this particular... idea among them earlier, any chance of feeling like that had vanished. There's a strange, heavy ache in her chest, and her throat feels tight.

"It... it _does_ matter," she says quietly, and though she _wants_ to be angry, at the moment she just feels a little numb, "because..."

It's probably for the best, she tells herself - no point shouting now, since Takeru and Hikari are most likely wrong anyway. They must be.

'_Because...'_ well, she doesn't want to tell them why, anyway, even though they'll know one of the reasons. How could anyone miss it? How could _he_ miss it? But, also...

And then Takeru's putting on a smile, attempting to break the tense silence with a new topic of conversation. "So... did anyone hear from Iori? He said he might not be able to make it today because of kendo practise..." And then Hikari's nodding, playing along, saying something Miyako's suddenly not listening to. Because _now_--

Now, she can see them in the distance, making their way across the park from the direction of the nearest subway station. She vaguely notices that Hikari and Takeru have stopped talking, and knows that their gazes will be fixed upon the two boys approaching them as well.

Daisuke and Ken are, predictably, utterly oblivious.

Miyako sees Daisuke lean closer to Ken, whispering something in his ear, and feels her stomach drop. Ken laughs, and Miyako doesn't think she's ever seen him look so relaxed, so happy. It hurts. She draws her knees up, resting her arms, bare toes digging into the soft grass.

Were Takeru and Hikari right?

Miyako watches, and everything seems different - as though she's now looking at the world through a warped lens that somehow brings clarity. She sees the small, casual touches; the soft smiles only for each other; the air of intimacy that she had previously always attributed to their being best friends.

Miyako hates feeling like a fool. Miyako hates feeling stupid. But as they approach, she feels these things and more -- her cheeks are burning hotly and she furiously blinks away the threatening tears. She will _not_ let them do this to her!

And so she scowls, grabbing her shoes and standing abruptly, before turning and marching off, Hawkmon hurrying after her. She passes them on her way, their looks of confusion obvious - but she doesn't stop.

That day, Miyako left with Daisuke's questioning shouts echoing in her ears.

_. day the second ._

Miyako's currently buried under her bedcovers, quite deliberately ignoring the world. She occasionally peeps out from underneath to give Hawkmon a miserable look, and then retreats again.

It's not fair.

Luckily it's a Sunday, so Miyako gladly uses this excuse to stay in bed as long as possible. She had a right to feel sorry for herself, didn't she? After all, wasn't she the one that came out of this looking worst? She had been so... oblivious...

She sits up, tenting the covers over her, and a moment later Hawkmon creeps tentatively inside.

"Miyako...?"

She smiles at him sadly, but there's a fondness there as she pulls him to her for a hug. At least, she thinks, she has some measure of comfort.

"What's wrong?" She tenses, even though she knew the question was coming, "you haven't been this upset over Ken in years! Why now?"

Miyako rubs at her eyes and takes a deep breath, trying to force herself into rationality. It's a fair question, even if it is one she doesn't entirely know the answer to herself. She strokes Hawkmon's feathers absently, closing her eyes in the darkness of their little sanctuary.

"...it's stupid, really. I know it is," she bites her lower lip in thought, "I... well, Ken's wonderful - everyone knows he is, but, even so... I got over my childish obsession of him a long time ago, even if the others don't think so. It's been five years since then! But... well, I suppose I've always held on to a hope that... you know."

She pauses then, suddenly thinking of Daisuke and feeling guilty.

"...and, yeah - me and Daisuke. I can't believe he'd keep something like this from me! I--" Miyako can hardly bring herself to finish, and flops down again, smothering them both with the duvet. "Well, as for _Daisuke_... I thought we were friends. Good friends."

And it was true - in the past two years since they'd started high school she and Daisuke _had_ become closer. Admittedly, they still bickered and argued like they always had, but it was mostly good-natured, and she'd thought... maybe...

And so, she thinks bitterly, I'm the one left looking like such a fool.

_. day the third ._

It's Monday, and Miyako has decided that she's finished with feeling sorry for herself. Instead, she holds her head up high and makes it to school on time.

She's pointedly ignoring Daisuke, and trying not to notice the bewildered, slightly hurt looks he's giving her. Occasionally, he comes over to try and talk to her. She always just turns the other way.

Takeru and Hikari hover awkwardly between them - no-one knowing quite what to say, or how to make it right again. When asked, Miyako says casually that nothing's wrong - at which Daisuke frowns and makes an annoyed sound, and Hikari wrings her hands and looks pleadingly at Takeru to step in. He doesn't.

The day passes in a strange sort of haze, but at the end of it, Miyako's left feeling annoyed and slightly uncomfortable.

Hawkmon asks her if she's feeling guilty; Miyako doesn't think this deserves an answer.

_. day the fourth ._

Miyako's sitting with Hikari in the cafeteria, pointedly not looking over at Daisuke, who's only a few tables away.

She knows he's watching her, but somehow it doesn't give her the sense of satisfaction she thought it would. Miyako wonders if he knows she knows.

Later that evening the phone rings, and Miyako lets one of her sisters answer it. It turns out that it's Daisuke, and for a moment, Miyako wavers.

She's annoyed with herself for this, and shouts out that she's not in.

_. day the fifth ._

By Wednesday, Miyako's attempts at apathy have turned into anger. She storms around school, slamming doors and glaring viciously whenever she catches a glimpse of someone who might be Daisuke. It's just as well Ken goes to school in Tamachi, she thinks irritably, otherwise she'd have to cope with them both.

She tries to ignore the fact that Daisuke's looking more and more depressed, and tries to ignore the fact that she's beginning to feel more and more guilty about the way things have gone.

It occurs to her that she hasn't even tried to talking to either Daisuke or Ken about all of this - but then she thinks of how painful that would be, and comes to the conclusion that even if she attempted it, there wouldn't be anything to say.

Yet again, in the evening Miyako receives a phone call, this time from Ken. Unfortunately, this time her mother answers the phone, and merely looks disapprovingly at Miyako when she tries to signal that she's not home. With a shake of the head, she's handed the phone, and can only look at it in growing unease before placing it grudgingly to her ear.

"...hello?" She tries to sound casual, but Miyako knows that her voice is wavering, and that of all people, Ken's probably the one most likely to break her resolve.

"Miyako..." Ken's voice is soft and polite, and he sounds concerned.

Oh, it hurts.

"Yes?" Keeping up the façade is an effort, but Miyako isn't ready to give up quite yet.

"Is everything alright? Daisuke tells me that you'd been avoiding him; he's quite upset about it..."

Normally, Miyako found it amusing how Ken could be so polite yet so direct at the same time - but right now she simply found it annoying.

"...and so he should be," her voice catches, and Ken makes a strange confused noise. "Stop it!" Miyako's sick of it now, and wishes he'd just go away, back to Daisuke. "...stop pretending. I know - we _all_ know, and if you think it doesn't change anything then you're _wrong_!"

Miyako stops in surprise, then, feeling hot wetness on her cheeks. There's a stunned silence on the other end of the line, and Miyako sniffs, suddenly tired of it all, and hangs up.

Later, Miyako's lying in bed, wondering how things got this bad.

"...it's my fault..." she whispers, and the guilt she'd been pushing down, ignoring, begins to surface.

It strikes her, too, that she's more lonely than she has been in years. But at the same time, she can't quite bring herself to say that it's okay yet.

Because it's not.

_. day the sixth ._

On the Thursday, Miyako's not ignoring Daisuke anymore. Instead, she's avoiding him, hating the fact that her anger's all but disappeared, and that she can't get rid of the voice at the back of her mind telling her that they could all be friends again, if only she could get over whatever problems it is she has with them.

She hurries out of school at the end of the day, darting around a corner to appropriate an empty wooden bench. The slats are cold and rough beneath her legs, and she reaches into her bag, hesitantly pulling out her phone. She sits, turning it over in her hands, lost in thought.

The sky is grey and overcast, and the single tree nearby looks as though it's dying, reaching up to try and get a last look at some sun. Its leaves are beginning to fall, but Miyako is oblivious.

Does she dare? To be honest, she's not even sure why she's contemplating phoning Ken. Is it because she hung up on him yesterday? Because she's ready to explain why she's acting this way? Because she wants to apologise?

...no. Miyako knows it's none of these things - just that, despite everything, there's still some part of her that associates both Ken and Daisuke with comfort, and security, and with knowing everything's going to be alright.

She flips her phone shut, and drops it back into her bag.

But things aren't going to be alright, because she fears she's lost them both - and not just because of her own actions.

She's resting her head in her hands, and staring blankly down at the grey, paved floor. She wonders numbly if Daisuke and Ken will be meeting up this evening, and if they'll talk about how unreasonable she's being. A moment later, Miyako suddenly notices a shadow fall in front of her, and jumps as she glances up.

Daisuke.

At this point, Miyako doesn't even think about leaving. How can she, when Daisuke's standing there with that look in his eyes, and that sad smile tugging at his lips? She looks at him, eyes widening, and says nothing.

"Hey, Miyako..." His hands are stuffed nervously in his pockets, and she almost laughs in hysterical relief that he sounds almost as scared as she feels. She doesn't reply, though, and simply carries on watching him as he sits down next to her. "So, um... Ken told me that you know about us."

Though she already _knew_, she still feels the words of confirmation cut into her like a knife. He's speaking quietly and looks slightly guilty, peering out at her uncertainly from underneath spikes of brown hair. Like Ken, Miyako thinks, Daisuke has a tendency to get straight to the point.

"...yes. Why didn't _you_ tell me?"

But then, so does she.

Daisuke might be fumbling for words, but he never refuses to meet her eyes. "Because things are..." he gestures vaguely, as though the entire situation can be explained by a wave of the hand, "...complicated."

"Complicated?" She raises an eyebrow, frowning. Though she still feels guilty about the severity of her reaction, the feelings of betrayal and foolishness of having been left in the dark still remain. "I thought we were... I thought we were good friends, Daisuke. And you couldn't tell me? I feel... I feel like an idiot." Her voice drops and she looks away from him, taking off her glasses to busy herself with cleaning them.

"Miyako..." She freezes as he grabs her shoulders, turning her to face him, dark eyes watching her intently, "we didn't want you to find out like this... you need to talk to Ken... we _care_ about you!"

She feels the tears welling up even as she tries to will them away - but this time she can't hold them back, and clenches her fists in frustration as she feels them spill down onto her cheeks. It hurts because she knows what he's saying is true - and that really, the only one responsible for her feeling the way she does, is her.

She smiles faintly as she feels him brush her tears away with his thumb, and then he's pulling her to him; holding her close and whispering in her ear.

"I'm sorry, Miyako... don't blame Ken, he wanted us to come and talk to you straight away, but I..."

Miyako's only half listening; she's holding onto Daisuke tightly, eyes shut, face buried in his neck. He's so warm and solid, and Miyako can't help but feel momentarily envious of Ken; Daisuke's stroking her hair soothingly, and she's beginning to wonder how she could ever have thought of giving up two of her best friends.

They stay like that, neither moving, until finally Daisuke begins to pull away, and Miyako reluctantly complies. She's not expecting it when he doesn't let her go, and watches him curiously as she feels his hand slide up from her back until it's cupping her jaw gently.

Her heart's beating quickly, nervously, and all she can do is watch him in confusion as he suddenly leans in with a strange little smile, and kisses her softly.

For a moment, all rational thought leaves her, and all she's aware of is the heat of Daisuke's lips, the arm around her waist, and how strangely warm she feels on this chill autumn afternoon.

And then-- the kiss deepens, and suddenly she blinks, shaking her head and pushing him away instinctively. She disengages herself from him and jumps up, grabbing her bag and backing away a little.

_What was that?_

She's trembling, and stands watching him; not understanding why he looks so dazedly pleased; not understanding why he's now _smiling_, and starting to speak, holding out a hand to her.

But Miyako's had enough and isn't listening anymore, her own confused thoughts ringing in her ears. And then she's gone - leaving Daisuke shouting behind her for the second time that week.

_. day the seventh ._

Miyako is currently moping, and trying to convince her mother that she's too ill to go to school. Unfortunately, Mrs Inoue has seen this kind of thing _far_ too many times before, and so Miyako eventually has little choice in the matter, and reluctantly makes her way in.

She hadn't slept well at all - that conversation and subsequent kiss kept taunting her, as though trying to mock her with the fact that now things would probably get even worse. What was he thinking? More importantly, what would _Ken_ say? As she walked into school that morning, Miyako felt a cold feeling of dread settle itself in her stomach.

As soon as she arrives, Miyako attaches herself to Hikari - at least this way, she thinks, Daisuke can't try and start up any more awkward conversations. The day moves agonisingly slowly - Miyako only sees Daisuke on a few occasions, but each time receives a brilliant grin.

Miyako is utterly confused, and is now starting to get somewhat annoyed with Daisuke again - but this time on Ken's behalf as well as her own.

It's with great relief that she makes it home that evening - at last, the week is over, and she runs to her room to find Hawkmon, and tries to forget the events of the past few days.

But predictably, she doesn't sleep too well that night either.

_. day the eighth ._

Miyako is awoken by her mother knocking loudly on her bedroom door. She blinks blearily and half sits up, squinting at the pale beams of sunlight which stream through the gap in the curtains.

"...mmph?" Miyako is not really a morning person, to put it lightly.

"Miyako? Your friend Ken called to remind you that he's expecting you over at eleven - so you're going to have to get up if you want to make it on time!"

Miyako yawns for a moment, before finally realising exactly what it was that her mother said.

"What!" But she receives no response, and glances over at her bedside clock. Ten am.

Oh, no.

She jumps out of bed feeling vaguely panicky - what's this about? Does Ken _know_? Why is he all but forcing her to come over? Maybe he just wants to check that she's not angry with him?

...will _Daisuke_ be there, too?

She feels torn, but knows she has to go. By the time she actually makes it to Ken's house in Tamachi, it's nearly twelve o'clock. As she reaches for the doorbell, Miyako decides that it's probably for the best - as she's not sure that Ken deserves the courtesy of her being on time, when he was the one who rang up on such short notice, and while she was in bed no less!

Her insides twist nervously as she waits for Ken to answer the door - she's not entirely sure what she expects, but it's certainly not the warm smile and short bow that he gives her, as he gestures for her to come in.

"Miyako, I'm glad you could come," as always, his voice is soft and polite - but today, she can tell that there's an uncertainty behind it all that he's trying to hide. She slips off her shoes and steps into some guest slippers, following him in.

"Yes, well... it would have been nice to have a little more warning!" She gives him a faint smile, not really annoyed, and he glances away from her, embarrassed.

"I'm sorry... I just wanted to try and make sure you'd come." He leads her to the living room, and they take a seat on the sofa. "Would you like a drink?"

Miyako shakes her head and fixes her gaze on him. It's glaringly silent and somewhat awkward; Ken doesn't have the easy presence of Daisuke, and in uncertain circumstances like this, silence tends to be stilted.

"So, um--"

"--Daisuke kissed you, didn't he?" Miyako flinches, caught off guard by his directness once more. But as she dares to look at him, she's a little confused to see that he just looks... curious. Interested.

"Ah, um - yes..." Her voice is catching in her throat, as she's not entirely sure what to say. Miyako hates feeling out of her depth, and she was decidedly uncomfortable as she searched around for something to say.

Ken... why wasn't he looking angry? Annoyed? Why was he just sitting there looking as though he wanted to smile?

"...and what did you think?" He's leaning forwards now, waiting for her response intently.

This is weird, Miyako thinks helplessly, faintly distracted by the dark shifting strands of his hair.

"I... what? How can you ask me that? _Why_ are you asking me that?" She's beginning to wonder if there's something more to this, because... this just isn't _normal_.

Ken smiles. Even though it's a much more frequent occurrence these days, it still lifts Miyako's heart to see it. "Miyako... you were angry because we didn't tell you... was there another reason?"

She blushes hotly, turning away from Ken's inquisitive gaze. This wasn't like him, to ask such personal questions... and besides which, he should already know the answer to that.

"Ken... please don't pretend you don't know."

He nods, simply, "okay."

Ken seems to be debating something with himself, and smiles at her nervously.

"Ke--" but her next question is cut off by Ken suddenly leaning over, one hand on her knee, and kissing her decisively.

It's a rather surreal moment for Miyako - on the one hand, she'd been imagining something like this for years, back when she'd thought he was the only one in the world for her. On the other hand, it seemed she was now being kissed by the boyfriend of the boy who had kissed her previously. This seemed to her to be... slightly insane.

_Wha...?_

Ken's kisses, Miyako noted distantly, were very different to Daisuke's. More forceful and controlling - which was somewhat surprising considering Ken's usual acquiescent personality. Ken's hand moved up to rest on her hip, and she was about to start pulling away when--

"Ken?" She freezes, hearing Daisuke's voice coming plaintively from the direction of Ken's bedroom, "how's it going? Can I come out yet?"

Miyako watches incredulously as Ken suppresses an amused smile, and pulls away from her.

She was confused before, but now her mind is an utter blank. Miyako simply stares, blinking in bewilderment as Ken calls out an affirmative reply, and a second later, Daisuke pokes his head out of the door inquisitively.

Miyako feels slightly ill as Daisuke makes his way over. What are they doing? Are they making _fun_ of her? Daisuke's face falls as he notices her expression, and sits on her other side.

"Miyako..."

"What's going on?" She tries her best to sound demanding; assertive... but she knows it just comes out as sounding scared and rather nervous.

"Miyako... we like you." It seems Daisuke's taking over trying to reassure her now, though Ken looks on worriedly, as though he's afraid they might damage her. His statement is so matter-of-fact, it takes Miyako by surprise.

"...and... each other?" her voice wavers, and she glances between them, eyes wide.

Ken nods, and blushes a little, "of course. We, um..." he trails off and helplessly looks at Daisuke to take over, who rolls his eyes and scratches the back of his neck.

"Yeah. Sorry it's been so weird... we've probably driven you mad, right? But we thought it was probably less scary than... you know. I'm sorry, it's my fault really," he's watching her anxiously, contritely, "I thought if we could find out how you felt first, then..."

Miyako's not entirely sure what it is she's hearing.

"So..." Daisuke seems to be cheering up; returning to his old self, and is looking at her hopefully. "Can I kiss you aga--" he's cut off with a yelp as Ken reaches over and pokes him in the side, fondly disapproving.

"Daisuke! Don't ask her things like that yet... we don't even know if she wants to be with us. It's not fair."

Suddenly, it all clicks, and Miyako blushes fiercely as she realises exactly what it is they're suggesting.

_The three of us? ...together?_

She glances from Daisuke's hopeful gaze to Ken's more neutral, considerate expression, and almost feels like laughing. It hit Miyako then that, even just as friends, she loved them both very much. And here they were, offering her...

It was almost an alien concept, and one that Miyako found more than a little intimidating. But, _would_ it be so scary, if it was Daisuke and Ken? Even just sitting here with them now, she felt happier than she had in a long while. She also felt a little foolish; apparently it seemed that they hadn't wanted to keep her in the dark, _or_ exclude her - so as it turned out, this whole mess really had been her fault.

But one thing was certain - and Miyako's reaching out, and taking their hands - she doesn't want to risk losing them again. She smiles tentatively, and nods.

She watches Daisuke and Ken share a quick grin, and then Daisuke's hugging her from behind, sticking his tongue out at Ken as the other boy shakes his head and raises an eyebrow, reaching out to gently brush his fingers over Miyako's lips.

Her heart's beating rapidly, breath coming shallowly as she feels Daisuke planting small kisses up her neck, and Ken's hand is on her leg, as he leans in to claim her lips.

Miyako's quickly overwhelmed with feelings of warmth and pleasure and love - and _surely_ this should feel wrong somehow, she thinks distantly, and yet it doesn't. But then though the wonderful haze of feelings comes another thought, and Miyako is decidedly curious.

"Wait, wait--!" she manages, catching her breath and Daisuke and Ken withdraw a little, looking slightly worried, "both of you," she says breathlessly, smiling at their expressions, "kiss each other."

She watches them exchange amused glances, but then Daisuke shrugs and grins, pulling Ken to him and kissing the other boy with obvious love and familiarity, which is more than returned. Miyako blushes, feeling more than a little voyeuristic, but... she has to admit, she rather likes it.

A moment later they break apart, breathing heavily, and when they turn back towards her, Daisuke smirks as he sees her expression.

They both flop further back into the sofa, then, pulling Miyako with them. And there, they lie comfortably in a heap, all tangled limbs and warm embraces.

Miyako feels blissful, and rather incredulous still at the way things have turned out. It may be unorthodox, and it may be the last thing she had ever expected... but together with Daisuke and Ken, she knows that there's nowhere else she'd rather be.


End file.
